This link explains so much about my life. My childhood. It explains why, as an adult, I cannot make quick and guilt-free decisions. The reason why, when asked a simple question, I struggle to give a swift answer, instead, analysing and predicting the results of each and every foreseeable answer.

A question as simple as “What time will you be home for dinner?” has me consider train cancellations, delays, traffic, the weather, both current and potential, distance, time, and many other factors. My usual reply that I deliver in many of these situations is either “I don’t know” or “I’ll SMS when I am on my way”.

In a way, the traits described in this link are beneficial at times. Both in the Design/Advertising industry, or as a Security/Crowd Control officer. In my mind, when I am at work, I am playing a sort of game. I remove most/all emotion, and where possible, even outside stimuli – headphones, loud music etc. I limit social interaction until it is absolutely required. I have found it a good way for me to cope. I also treat all hurdles as challenges, and not as personal attacks on myself. This outlook would not work very well in my personal life, though. As a security guard or crowd controller, lacking emotion and following the rules and guidelines to the letter is a skill that many cannot achieve. Some might give free entry to a good-looking woman, or let someone into a building on their word that an access pass was left at home. I do none of these things, and follow the rules 100%. I have denied entry to celebrities at large international events. I have ejected police officers for not following the rules. I never face disciplinary action, as this is exactly what I am paid to do.

Outside of these strict environments however, my decision-making can and does suffer, as a result of overthinking. For a very long time, I never knew why, but this article makes so much sense. It explains exactly what I know my mind goes through, but have never been able to put into words very well.


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